When I told the not-closing closing story to our friends who are renting apartments they were all, like, "What?! That's outrageous. Insanity!" There was a lot of dramatic air punches from them and resigned head nods from me.
When I told the not-closing closing story to our friends who own homes they were all, like, "Ha! That's cute. You really thought you'd close on time?" Huh? So, wait, you're saying this happens to everyone?
The story boils down to this: No, we did not close yesterday. This should not have been a surprise. But we are property virgins so when the nice people you're paying tell you something you believe them like a five year-old waits up on Christmas Eve for Santa to come, trespass on private property, not steal anything and instead leave all the toys you've ever wanted.
While we wait I'm continuing to pretend to buy furniture for the house. Wait until you see the tufted sofa I didn't buy! I did, however, narrow down all of our appliance choices for the kitchen and select the company we will be buying them from (which, again, isn't quite the same thrill as buying something but it does make me feel accomplished). It was an undertaking that I will describe in detail at a later time (hint: once we close).
We did buy one real thing for the house, though (in addition to more roach killer after Pete smartly reminded me that we should also probably bomb in the crawl space). The only manageable access to the roof is through the skylight in the upstairs bathroom so we splurged and bought a Xtend & Climb ladder. We first saw it when our home inspector brought one over. It's super sturdy and I rationalized that -- knock on wood -- if the house deal fell through I could always use it in the shop.